The Tao of Meow: Or, What I’ve Learned from My Cats
Many of my greatest teachers appeared first as companions. If—as Eleanor Roosevelt wrote—we learn by living, then it’s only natural that we have the most to learn from the people we let into our lives. But people, strictly speaking, aren’t the only actors to come on stage in our life stories. Some of the starring roles fall to our pets, and we have much to learn from their show-stealing performances.
I’ve had pets for my entire life. The paws currently roaming my house belong to Molly and Mabel, sisters of the feline persuasion and a constant source of love, friendship, and fur. Even though they spend their days sleeping, cleaning themselves, sleeping, snacking, and sleeping, they find the time amidst this busy schedule to teach me some important life lessons.
Instead of lectures or lab exercises, Molly and Mabel practice a teaching style inspired by the concept of Tao from Chinese philosophy. Tao, the natural order and essence of the universe, can never be understood in its entirety, but humans can experience it through the course of our daily lives and strive to bring our actions in line with its will. If you need an example to help illustrate the point, Tao served as a partial inspiration for the Force from Star Wars: a mystical and ever-present, well, force that guides us and shapes our lives.
And boy, is the Force strong with these cats. All Molly or Mabel need to do to teach me something is simply go about their lives. My kitties are attuned to the universe—perhaps more than anyone else I know—so it’s a breeze to learn just by living with them.
Of course, knowledge is meant to be shared, so here are some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned from my cats.
Find Your Happy Place
Despite having the run of the house, each cat gravitates toward a few spots of choice real estate. Mabel likes to hang out in my parents’ bedroom closet, where she can get cozy and enjoy a catnap without fear that someone will disturb her. Molly prefers to stay closer to the action in the house and plants her flag in any open armchair, or if she’s feeling tired, she’ll jump into the nearest hamper of clean laundry (and she can tell the difference between the clean and dirty baskets).
The cats’ choices here are about more than simply which spot they find comfiest. Each location satisfies the respective kitty’s needs. Molly likes to sit in the chairs in the living room so that she can keep an eye on what’s happening around the house, whereas Mabel cherishes the privacy and security she finds in the closet. Watching my cats decide where they feel most at home makes my think about how I can tailor my environment to my needs beyond just comfort.
Fight for Your Rights
Thankfully, Molly and Mabel aren’t the type to knock things off tables, but they’re not shy about voicing whatever grievances they have. My dad, a union member for over 20 years, calls Molly the shop steward of our house: If her dinner is so much as one minute late, she meows and meows until someone in the house rights this unspeakable wrong.
I don’t find her protestations particularly amusing when I’m on their receiving end, although I do respect how she stands up for herself. My reaction to being slighted is generally to give the offending party the benefit of the doubt or let it go for the sake of avoiding a fight. However, my cats have shown me that sometimes, you need to take a stand and let people know that they need to do better because you won’t tolerate their bad behavior.
Treat Thy Body as a Temple
Cats don’t have to go to work. They don’t have to make their own dinner or do the laundry. With all this time on their hands, cats are free to develop healthy habits. Their favorite pastime is grooming; cats are notoriously clean and spend as much as half their day tidying themselves from nose to tail. In the age of Covid-19, this dedication to cleanliness should inspire us all, although hygiene is a lesson that never goes out of style.
The only thing cats do more than groom themselves is sleep. The average kitty sleeps for 15 hours a day but can snooze for up to 20 hours without breaking a sweat. Humans, on the other hand, treat sleep as an expendable behavior rather than our top priority for the day. While most people espouse a desire to get more shut-eye every night, bedtime is often the first activity that lands on the chopping block when we need to find a few more hours for either work or play. Right after graduating college, for example, I felt a powerful urge to find as much time as possible for myself when I wasn’t in the office or taking on grown-up responsibilities, and I was perfectly willing to sacrifice sleep in pursuit of that goal.
The trade-off between time awake and time asleep isn’t a simple question of opportunity cost. Experts recommend seven to nine hours of sleep for adults every night, and a lack of sleep can impair cognitive ability, emotional well-being, and problem-solving skills as well as increase risk for heart disease, depression, and other conditions. We can squeeze more time out of the day when we push ourselves to stay awake, although that time also squeezes more and more out of us.
But let’s get back to cats. Our feline friends sleep so much so that they’ll have the energy they need to hunt whenever they encounter prey (domestic cats haven’t shed this evolutionary trait despite regular meals from their loving humans). Cats essentially have one job—eat enough to survive—and sleep is how they prepare for it. Humans have infinitely more to do, yet rather than looking at sleep as a key ingredient in doing our best, we tend to regard it as an indulgence or, at worst, a waste of time. While I’ve been guilty of this mindset myself, I’ve also learned to take a page from my cats’ playbook and get the sleep I need so that I’m rested and ready to take on each day.
I recognize that catching additional shut-eye is easier said than done. Cats don’t have to worry about work and have all of their needs handled by others, so meeting their sleep quota is no problem. People, meanwhile, lead busy lives and will occasionally need to stay up late or get up early in order to take care of business. Despite the barriers we face to getting forty winks every night, I think simply acknowledging the importance of sleep and making it a greater priority can go a long way toward improving our health and empowering us to make the most out of life.
Furthermore, cats don’t just take care of their bodies with proper hygiene and rest, but they actually listen to their bodies. When my cats are hungry, they head over to their bowls and nibble on some kibble. When they’re tired, they find a place to curl up and take a nap. I generally respond to similar cues from my body like a teenager at a yellow light: as a signal I should take seriously but disregard based on how I feel in the moment. Again, I realize the nature of human lives are such that we can’t always stop and snooze if that’s what our bodies tell us to do. Ignoring our bodies, however, is a recipe for disaster, so I try to follow my kitties’ lead and give my body what it needs when it asks the first time.
Commune with Nature
Molly and Mabel are indoor gals. Perhaps as a result, they love anything to do with nature. Molly’s favorite hobby is staring out the window and ogling the patrons of a nearby birdfeeder—Dad calls this “Kitty HBO”—and when I come in from a walk, the kitties obsessively sniff my shoes as if I’d just hiked through fields of cocaine.
There’s always a fascination with the things we can’t have, but the cats are onto something with their passion for the outside world. Studies suggest that spending time in nature can lead to health benefits like reduced heart rate, stress level, and improved psychological well-being. Molly and Mabel can’t go on hikes or picnics; humans can, and doing so can pay dividends to our health.
Boundaries and Healthy Relationships
I find that cats get a bad rap. Among my friends, the consensus is that cats are antisocial creatures that want nothing to do with humans and thus make bad pets. I strongly disagree, of course, but I’ll concede that cats can come off as aloof and unapproachable. They’re not as expressive as dogs, and they fiercely protect their independence to the point of being aggressive.
Cats’ reticence toward humans doesn’t mean they want people to disappear. In fact, Molly and Mabel love to cuddle and play so long as I respect their boundaries. That’s the trick with cats: They like to be social up to the point where people pull them out of their comfort zone. For example, my cats don’t like their bellies rubbed. When they sit in certain spots around the house, like the top of the couch cushions, it means they want to be near me but not touched. Molly loves to be picked up and held but Mabel hates it. Like most people, cats just want to feel safe and respected in their interactions with others.
Learning what makes my cats comfortable or uncomfortable has taught me to be more considerate of others’ boundaries, and it’s also made me more willing to respect my own. I can be pretty introverted (which probably won’t come as a surprise since I’ve written a dissertation about my cats) and I feel an urge to compromise this part of my personality at times to show my more outgoing peers that I am, pun intended, a cool cat. Molly and Mabel remind me, however, that I don’t need to choose between my friends and my boundaries.
Plus, when you recognize boundaries, then you can focus on the invitations people send on how to best engage them. If Molly or Mabel come to hang out and I do something that bothers them, they’ll let me know it, either by gently swatting at me with their paws or walking away. They also send signals to indicate what they’re looking for from me. They’ll brush up against my leg if they want to get my attention, and when I shower them with affection, they’ll crane their necks or perk up their heads to show me where I should direct my loving scratches. To me, this is the kitties’ way of saying that while boundaries are important, you also need to show people how they can come into your life.
The cats’ entire approach to socializing and relationships calls for trust. They don’t seek out company for its own sake or compromise their values to stay in the good graces of the humans who fill up their bowls every day. They’re individuals, and they only associate with the people who will treat them as such. This is the cats’ greatest lesson: Strong, healthy relationships require trust, and to earn trust, you must show respect. When my cats show me love, I know it’s not just because they’re stuck with me. It’s because I’ve earned their respect, and that’s what makes my relationship with them such a treasure.